Be Thou My Vision

One of the consequences of undergoing severe affliction, at least for me, is that I have new clarity on what I say and what I read and what I sing. For example, I have already written about the power of great hymns to stimulate strong emotions within me during worship. But now great hymns also make me cautious to sing what is difficult for me to say. As an illustration - "Be Thou My Vision" has always been, and will probably always be, my favorite hymn. Lately, though, I can't (yet) sing one small, two-word phrase.

Here is the fifth and final verse: "High King of Heaven, my victory won, may I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n's Sun! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all."

Can you guess which phrase gives me trouble? It's "...whatever befall." IF I have made it through to the ending of this wonderful hymn, I instinctively stop when encountering those two words. I just can't say them. I have sung them for years and years, and now they stop me cold. I desperately want to be able to sing them, but I would feel like a hypocrite right now if I were to do so. I absolutely believe the truth and rightness of that phrase; it's just that I take those two little words much more seriously than I ever did before. To blithely sing them seems wrong to me, until I have unity of heart and head, emotion and mind. This dichotomy is painful.

I feel like I have been through my own personal "whatever befall" experience, and I have had some real soul damage in the process. While I am definitely in "recovery" mode through God's grace, I still am not quite willing to volunteer for another tour of duty. I suspect that one day, though, and I hope it's soon, that I will be able to affirm every word of this wonderful hymn. Until then, I will thank the "High King of Heaven that my victory is won."

Now that's something to sing about.

Turn Off Your Computer (after you read this!)

It's Saturday! Why not pick up a great book to read, a classic, one that has stood the test of time? Or read an old favorite again?

Here's a great recommendation from Invitation to the Classics, edited by Louise Cowan and Os Guinness:

"In coming to know a classic, one has made a friend for life. It can be recalled to the mind and "read" all over again in the imagination. And actually perusing the text anew provides a joy that increases with time. These marvelous works stand many re-readings without losing their force. In fact, they almost demand re-reading, as a Beethoven symphony demands replaying. We never say of a musical masterpiece, "Oh I've heard that!" Instead, we hunger to hear it again to take in once more, with new feeling and insight, its long-familiar strains."

The Making of Lists

I am a list-maker, and have been so for my whole adult life. Nearly every day I write a "to-do" list. At the end of the night, if I have done things that weren't on the list, I write them in and then check them off just to feel that much more productive. Yes, I know, I'm pretty weird.

People like me desire order and efficiency. These are good traits, unless the person with them also tends toward being easily overwhelmed. I am guilty as charged. I have often felt like Jim Lovell (aka Tom Hanks) in the movie Apollo 13. When their damaged ship is orbiting earth, and there is no real plan yet on getting back home, the three astronauts begin to get panicky. In an effort to calm everyone down, Lovell states: "All right! There are a thousand things that have to happen in the right order; we are on #8, and you're talking about #692!" The obvious implication here is that they needed to concentrate only on #9.

There is one piece of advice that I have given so often to others, but mostly to myself. I originally heard it from Elisabeth Elliot - who got it from a poem. When feeling stressed, overwhelmed, frustrated, or confused, she urged over and over: DO THE NEXT THING. It really is brilliant advice. It works 100% of the time. Look around, determine what you should do first. Is it changing the diaper? Getting out of bed? Counting to ten before saying another word? Whatever the circumstance, whatever the crisis, just DO THE NEXT THING. You will be amazed.

For me? The next thing for me to do is to find a picture to go with this post. Or think of a clever title. Or provide you with the link to the original poem. Or make some popcorn. I know, the next thing is to watch Apollo 13 tonight, with popcorn! See? I told you it always works!

My Copper Coins

I was awe-struck once again when reading the account of the widow's offering in Mark 12:

"And he (Jesus) sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44

The reason for my delight in this passage is the simple concept of the relationship between poverty and abundance of giving. I think that one can reasonably extrapolate to the broader principle that we are all "poor" in something: money, time, energy, intellect, power, influence, and on and on and on. But these "lacks" do not impede us from giving our all to God. Whatever little we have, we can give it all and somehow in God's economy it gets multiplied for use in His kingdom. You can't give lots of money to a local prison ministry? Can you spend 44 cents and send a birthday card to a prisoner's little boy? You don't have the physical strength to go on a missions trip to build a new school? Can you pray for those who can and send a box of crayons and markers to the students? You don't have a big enough house to take in a pregnant teenager? Can you partner with your church to send paper goods to the residential center that minsters to young women in need in your hometown?

As Matthew Henry states: "Though we can give but a little in charity, yet if it be according to our ability, and be given with an upright heart, it shall be accepted of Christ, who requires according to what a man has, and not according to what he has not."

I hope that God will help me to determine what my two small copper coins are each day, and then enable me to give them willingly to His work.

Emily or Anne?

So I was practically called a heretic. Usually this refers to someone who denies some basic tenet of a religious faith, but I got in trouble in a different area. A while ago I posted as my Facebook status something like: "Candyce so prefers Emily of New Moon to Anne of Green Gables." Oh my, civil war erupted. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, there is a Canadian author, L.M. Montgomery, who wrote wonderful works of fiction in the early 1900's. The most famous of these is a series of books based on an orphan girl named "Anne with an E." They are definitely worth reading - but I love more the series of books based on an orphan girl named "Emily." So a dear friend called me out on this, and stated something very intelligent like "NO WAY!!!! ANNE RULES!!!!" (I love you, Beth!) Well, I will leave it to the readers of this blog to state their own preferences. I submit, as evidence, some of the finest excerpts of Emily of New Moon:

"Teddy and I decided that when we grew up we would buy the Disappointed House and live here together. Teddy said he supposed we'd have to get married, but I thought maybe we could find a way to manage without going to all that bother."

"Ilse called me a sneaking albatross to-day. I wonder how many animals are left to call me. She never repeats the same one twice."

"Emily overheard her and ran to the sideboard mirror. She had had, while she was speaking, an uncanny feeling of wearing somebody else's face instead of her own. It was vanishing now - but Emily caught a glimpse of it as it left - the Murray look, she supposed. No wonder if had frightened Aunt Elizabeth - it frightened herself - she was glad that it had gone."

So now you have definitive proof of a wonderful series of books. Go to your favorite bookstore or library and pick up the works of Lucy Maud Montgomery. And start with Emily, not Anne. :-)

Holding On

I want to do a follow-up on yesterday's blog post. It regards the observation that God often doesn't send aid until the last moment. How do we hang on until the eleventh hour help comes? One of my favorite essays in one of my favorite books helps with a great illustration. Dustin Shramek wrote an article entitled "Waiting for the Morning during the Long Night of Weeping" in a book named Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, edited by John Piper and Justin Taylor. Every home should have a copy of this - it's the absolute best collection of articles on the subject.

Here is how to hang on, literally!

"Experiencing grief and pain is like falling off a cliff. Everything has been turned upside down, and we are no longer in control. As we fall, we see one and only one tree that is growing out from the rock face. So we grab hold of it and cling to it with all our might. This tree is our holy God. He alone can keep us from falling headfirst to our doom. There simply aren't any other trees to grab. So we cling to this tree (the holy God) with all our might.

But what we didn't realize is that when we fell and grabbed the tree our arm actually became entangled in the branches, so that in reality, the tree is holding us. We hold on to keep from falling, but what we don't realize is that we can't fall because the tree has us. We are safe. God, in his holiness, is keeping us and showing mercy to us. We may not be aware of it, but it is true. He is with us even in the darkest pit."

One of the ways we are helped to hang on until the eleventh hour help comes is to remember that God is the one holding us up every moment of every hour, even when it feels like we are in the middle of a free fall.

Something to remember when life seems to be more than a little out of control...

Another day

The email title that greeted me one day last week was not a particularly cheery one: "Are You Tempted to Give Up?" My response, to no one in particular, was: "Oh Yeah..." Although I received this email as part of a daily devotional from GriefShare, I'm guessing that it is not just those dealing with grief that struggle with perseverance in the midst of an awful situation. How often do we say "I can't take this anymore!" or "Take Me Away, Calgon!" or "Beam Me up, Scotty!" or any other ridiculously evasive tactic rather than waiting for God to reveal Himself and His plan for some awful situation. The good news is that we are in good company. The Psalms are full of "How Long?" laments and "Save Me, O God" pleas for deliverance. Looking at the history of some of the Bible's most afflicted heroes gives us some indication of "how long?" And it's pretty long sometimes, according to my email:

"You may feel you would rather escape than endure. But remember, it is always too soon to give up. God sent His angels to rescue Daniel only after he was in the lion's den (Daniel 6:19-21). Paul says God rescued him after he had the "sentence of death" within him (2 Corinthians 1:9). God rescued Peter from prison the night before he was to be executed (Acts 12:4-11). Even at the last moment, He can rescue you. Never give up. Job initially wanted God to take his life: "Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for, that God would be willing to crush me, to let loose his hand and cut me off!" (Job 6:8-9). But if God had granted Job's request, he would never have seen God's blessing in the end."

Wow. So apparently if we haven't been delivered yet from whatever is troubling us, it must mean that we can take this. The sun still rises on a new day. Time to get up and do the next thing, whatever it may be.

CandyceLand: The Game

Well, it's not CandyceLand, but it's close...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25sO_XFu6Q0

<-- artistic credits to Chet and Kristin!

Great Quote #3

“It doesn’t matter how complicated, how desperate, perhaps even hopeless your life has become. No matter how overwhelmed you may feel by your problems, if your trust is in Jesus Christ, you can be sure that he is praying for you now and through that prayer he will provide for you the resources to bring you relief or enable you to carry on.

The most important thing that you and I need to learn about prayer is this: first of all and ultimately, prayer is not something we do but what Jesus does for us.”

- Richard B. Gaffin, “Christ, Our High Priest in Heaven“

Rescued

My regular Bible reading time today brought me to Psalm 18. Most of you don't know that this was "THE" Psalm that brought me to faith. My testimony is too long for this blog, but let's see if I can condense it without leaving out the drama. I almost died once. Spoiler alert: I didn't.

During the first couple of years of our marriage, Steve and I began to explore spiritual matters. We were involved in a Bible study with some new friends who were "Christians." But unexpectedly I had a near-death experience which captured our attention. I became very ill, and the physicians had no idea what was wrong with me. I had already been misdiagnosed at another hospital. As they were prepping me for exploratory surgery, we knew that we were on the precipice of something major in our lives. Would we believe the little we had learned about God? Would we pray in earnest, expecting an answer? Would God hear the pleas of two human beings who had pretty much ignored Him for 25 years?

Drama #1: The doctor afterward said "... and another 30 minutes and we would have lost you." He said that a twisted cord had burst within me, and that the internal bleeding was massive. (I could mention particular body parts here, but I'm trying to spare the squeamish.)

Drama #2: The next day my Bible fell open to Psalm 18 and I read the following:

"The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;
the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
In my distress I called upon the Lord;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice
and my cry to him reached his ears.
...
He sent from on high, he took me;
he drew me out of many waters.
...
He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me."
(Verses 4-6,16,19)

Drama #3: God did save me that day - both body and soul. I could no longer pretend that "exploring Christianity" was just an intellectual hobby. If God "delighted in me," shouldn't I find out why? Shouldn't I spend the rest of my life "delighting in Him?"

News Bites

As is my custom, I spent a fair amount of time today scouring the internet for something worthy to write about. Too many reports of murder, war, political strife, celebrity misbehavior, hurricanes, suicide bombings, economic distress, etc. (The closest that I came to "interesting" was a CNN story about the history of shaving. Did you know that the first "razors" used were shark teeth? In the 4th century BC, Alexander the Great encouraged his men to shave so enemies couldn't grab their beards during hand-to-hand fighting. HA.)

Anyway, I digress. All these negative news reports reminded me of a J. Gresham Machen quote passed along to me a few days ago by a good friend. This excerpt is a very fitting commentary on the state of our world and points us to a response that is better than despair:

"Is there no refuge from strife? Is there no place of refreshing where a man can prepare for the battle of life? Is there no place where two or three can gather in Jesus' name, to forget for the moment all those things that divide nation from nation and race from race, to forget human pride, to forget the passions of war, to forget the puzzling problems of industrial strife, and to unite in overflowing gratitude at the foot of the Cross? If there be such a place, then that is the house of God and that the gate of heaven. And from under the threshold of that house will go forth a river that will revive the weary world."

Now that's good news!

Peace Like A River

Did you know that the most frequent command of God in the Bible is not listed in the Ten Commandments? I didn't know this. Can you guess what it is? I couldn't. Here is the answer: Do not be afraid. Why does God give this instruction more than 300 times in the Scriptures? I'm guessing it's because He knows our frailties and our weaknesses. He knows that we don't need any training in fear - it comes quite naturally.

When we tell each other to not be afraid, it usually is to no avail. Why? Because we can't really do anything about our friend's fears. We have no power to cause things to happen or not happen. The good news for us is that when God tells us to fear no more, He really can protect, ordain, and order our lives in such a way that no matter what the circumstances are, we are ultimately blessed. All (and I mean ALL) is for His glory and our good. Why be afraid when His command to not be afraid is followed by such good promises?

Obviously easier said than done...

Fears

Yikes! I sure hope that the women of my church appreciate the effort it takes to find a new book for Women's Study. This is scary stuff.

I just finished reading the first 54 pages of Book Option #1: Running Scared by Edward Welch. The first section of the book is entitled "Initial Observations," in which he lays the foundation for the rest of the book. Welch spends much time defining, labeling, and listing the many aspects of fear. He speaks of the anxieties of children, teens, and adults. He details specific fears (I stopped counting at 50!). I even found some that I didn't know I had - what's with that???

The most startling revelation thus far? I learned a new word: arachibutyrophobia. Welch says: "For those on the cutting edge of anxiety, arachibutyrophobia is a recent one: the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Think about it long enough and you could probably wind up claiming it as your own."

The book doesn't reveal yet what the cure is for this malady. I'm guessing it might be a glass of milk. Stay tuned. :-)

I have now entered into that phase of summer that I refer to as my “August Angst.” You might think that this would refer to discontent with hot weather or unhappiness about the upcoming change of schedule. NO, I am referring to that time of year when I begin to panic about choosing a book to teach for Women’s Study. This is the 13th year that I have experienced this dilemma, and the passage of time doesn’t seem to help. It is no easier this year than any other.

So I’ve decided to enlist the help of those of you reading this! Have you done any group studies that have been particularly helpful? Here is a list of what we’ve done so far:

1. Treasures of Encouragement (Sharon Betters)

2. Charity and Its Fruits (Jonathan Edwards)
   

3. Practical Religion (J. C. Ryle)

4. Holiness (J.C. Ryle)

5. The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment (Jeremiah Burroughs)

6. James on Works (Carol Ruvulo)

7. By Design (Susan Hunt)

8. Made for His Pleasure (Alistair Begg)

9. Loving God With All Your Mind (Elizabeth George)

10. When Life and Beliefs Collide (Carolyn Custis James)

11. War of Words (Paul David Tripp)

12. When you Pray (Philip Ryken)

13. When God Weeps (Joni Erickson Tada)

14. Heaven (Randy Alcorn)

Here are the books that I am presently reading that are in contention for this year:

1. Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest (Edward Welch)

2. Written In Stone: The Ten Commandments and Today’s Moral Crisis (Philip Ryken)

3. Hoping for Something Better: Journey Through Hebrews (Nancy Guthrie)

If you have any suggestions, please comment below. Thanks for your help!

Great Quote #2

Steve alerted me to this quote, which is a good companion to yesterday’s thoughts on perseverance in prayer:

If, finally, after a long wait, our minds cannot grasp what is the point of our praying, and do not feel that it leads to anything, our faith will nonetheless make us certain of what our senses cannot perceive - that we have obtained everything that was necessary to us. By faith we shall then possess abundance in want and comfort in grief. In fact, even if we have to go without everything, God will never abandon us, for he cannot disappoint the expectation and patience of those who are his. He, on his own, will take the place of everything, for he contains in himself everything that is good – a fact he will fully reveal in the future.

John Calvin, Truth For All Time

Recommended Reading

I would like to introduce you to my favorite blogger (other than Steve, of course!). Her name is Andree Seu, and she writes for World Magazine. I love her writing style, her willingness to be vulnerable and honest about her own life, and her eagerness to share the lessons that God teaches her every day. Here is a sample for your enjoyment, entitled "Four Days Late." Let me know what you think!

http://online.worldmag.com/author/andreeseu/

When Prayer Doesn't Seem to Work

One of the most frequent challenges of the Christian life is persistence in prayer when no answer seems to be forthcoming from God. Why is God silent? Is He even listening? Does He care? Why is there no response from Him?

Today I finished a book entitled The Prayer Odyssey by Dave Early. The author makes an excellent point in the chapter entitled “Sticking It Out Prayer.” He relates his own experience of becoming chronically ill and praying for relief and cure over several months before he finally realized this:

“But even if I was not getting better, even if I only got worse, God would still be worth my loyalty and love. I deserve eternal death and He has given me eternal life and abundant life. Even if He never said another thing to me, did another thing for me, gave another thing to me, He would still deserve all of the love and devotion I can give Him.”

What a good insight. I think God agrees:

"Though the fig tree should not blossom,

Nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold,

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation."

Habukkuk 3:17-18

Comments

I apologize to all of you who have not been able to comment on these posts - I mistakenly chose some wrong settings! Please let me know if it still doesn't work. Thanks to Marshall for solving this snafu!

Singing Through Tears

Anyone who has been in worship with me these last two years undoubtedly has witnessed the power of hymns to make me cry. While I no longer have to leave the service two or three times each Sunday in order to regain my composure, I still struggle with tears every week. While spoken prayers, Scripture readings, and sermon illustrations have on occasion caused me to weep, the main culprit remains music. I have thought much about this experience and have tried to determine why this is so. The answer is both simple and complex.

Grieving people battle emotions nearly every moment, even if they never express them openly. What stirs within us is sorrow, fear, anger, confusion, regret. Good hymns touch upon all these feelings, but remind us that God is in control of all the events that cause them. “Whate’er my God Ordains is Right”

We know we can never go back to what once was, and we are not content with the present, so the only solution is to move forward. Good hymns speak of the past, the present, and the future. “Amazing Grace”

Those of us struggling with sorrow want disappointment, grief, and fear to disappear. “Be Still, My Soul”

We long to have the perspective of God, that we may see all of our lives, even the difficult seasons, through God’s eyes and not our own. “Be Thou My Vision”

We need to know that though we long for Heaven more than ever before, we are still called to persevere on this present Earth for a while longer. “This is My Father’s World”

We want to be reminded that when we feel abandoned by God, we only need to look to the cross to see that Christ understands even this emotion of ours. By His work He has secured our eternal condition, so that we will never be ultimately forgotten. “O Sacred Head Now Wounded”

We desire that we would be well again, that we could accept the “new normal” of our lives, and that we might feel joy once again. “It Is Well With My Soul”

SO – all this brings us back to the question at hand: why do these hymns bring tears to my eyes? I think it’s because God is both simple and complex. Hymns reveal to us the simplicity of God’s love for us, for I have often wanted during this season of grief to be reassured, even as a child, that “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know.” At other times I need to be confronted by the complexity of God as demonstrated by songs such as “Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise.” As always, God meets me in my greatest need every Sunday morning, and speaks to me through heart-breaking and heart-mending music.

I read recently about a cool new invention that has been created to help expectant dads get excited about their future babies:

“I Kicked Mommy at 5:19 P.M.”

Father-to-be Corey Menscher developed Kickbee, a spandex belt for pregnant mothers that sends Tweets every time the unborn baby kicks. It’s a “small but meaningful way” for fathers to be involved in the pregnancy, Menscher told Foxnews.com.

Hmmm. Perhaps the young dads could then read Psalm 139 for an even better description of their little ones:

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.”

Too long for a twitter… but great to consider! ☺

Great Quote #1

Part of what I hope to do through this blog is to share some great quotes that I find, such as this one:

“If God had perceived that our greatest need was economic, he would have sent an economist. If he had perceived that our greatest need was entertainment, he would have sent us a comedian or an artist. If God had perceived that our greatest need was political stability, he would have sent us a politician. If he had perceived that our greatest need was health, he would have sent us a doctor. But he perceived that our greatest need involved our sin, our alienation from him, our profound rebellion, our death; and he sent us a Savior.”

- D.A. Carson, A Call to Spiritual Reformation

Internet Addiction

The New York Times wrote another article about me today. In the years that I have been reading this paper (on-line), they have often featured me in sometimes unflattering ways. They really do enjoy stepping on my toes.

For instance, this morning the title of the offending essay was “Breakfast Can Wait. The Day’s First Stop Is Online.” OUCH. The main point is that technology has changed our daily lives in quite dramatic ways. Instead of families chatting during breakfast, everyone in the household now brings their laptops to the table. For the record, we have NEVER done that so early in the day. One of my fondest memories, though, was the time a couple of years ago when four of us, with laptops in front of us, were giggling at the table playing Scrabble on Facebook - I call that bonding.

Next, the article made fun of people who “after six to eight hours of network deprivation — also known as sleep — are increasingly waking up and lunging for cellphones and laptops, sometimes even before swinging their legs to the floor and tending to more biologically urgent activities.” (Do they have a hidden camera in my room?)

The father in the article laments: “We use texting as an in-house intercom.” (I think our phones are bugged.) Kristin often texts me from the next room asking: “Mommy, can I please have some popcorn?” This is SO intrusive – I have to pause the movie, cut my call short, or bookmark my iPod in order to comply with her wishes.

Ah well, at least I’m not as addicted as the hapless family in the article. Thankfully my children don’t miss the bus or deprive the family dog of healthy walks because of gadgets. And before some of you people rat me out, okay, I don’t have young children or a family dog! What’s your point?

See you all online. :-)

One day last week I woke up particularly discouraged and really didn’t want to face the upcoming day. Joshua 1 came to mind, and so before I dragged myself out of bed, I read the words that God spoke to the man who was to lead Israel into the Promised Land:

Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. Be strong and courageous, for you shall cause this people to inherit the land that I swore to their fathers to give them. Only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right hand or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

This was enough to at least get me started on my day. Being told three times to “be strong and courageous” was enough of a push to get me out of bed. Apparently though, I quickly forgot this lesson and needed another reminder. Within a few hours I was preparing for a class I was to attend later that evening. Joshua 1 was the text for the lesson! SO – six times I had been instructed by the same words. And again – I faltered. By bedtime I was exceedingly weak and distressed, so I turned to my nighttime devotional material. Can you guess what the Scripture was? Yes, Joshua 1! Nine times in one day I was confronted by the same commandment.

What was the point of all this? I have been pondering this experience for the last few days, and the only conclusion that I can reach is that I must trust and obey. I have no strength or courage within me anymore; any strength and courage must come from God and His Word. Thankfully the commandment in this passage comes with a promise: “Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Please God, help me to be strong and courageous each and every day, and may the final Joshua, Jesus, one day lead me into the Promised Land.

I did it again. I had resolved a while ago to stop this bad habit. I wonder if I’m the only one in the Christian world that “glances over Scripture.” For instance, I was reading a Banner of Truth article earlier today. A paragraph or so into the essay the author laid out his Scripture proof – a section of Romans 1. I gave a cursory glance to the verses, enough to say to myself “Yes – Romans 1 – depravity – I know these verses - I don’t have to read more.” I then proceeded to get on to the main point of the article. WHOA. I had done it again. I was so eager to finish the reading that I didn’t slow down enough to take in these verses. How did I get to be so “sure” of God’s Word that I felt a cursory glance would be sufficient? Since when did Scripture become just an addendum to other writing? How did the Word of God stop being the main point of every article? Sigh.

I have always hated dogs. I was attacked at the tender age of 21 and never fully recovered from that trauma. But then Gus came along, my red-haired, golden retriever grand-puppy. He lived with me for a few months, and it was then that I became smitten. Gus has even changed my reading habits. I no longer avoid the cute stories and adorable pictures of dogs that are everywhere on the internet. Here is one that makes me smile:

http://www.joke-archives.com/dogs/doglightbulb.html

When I was a little girl, sick in bed with one of my many bouts of bronchitis, my mother brought me a bunch of “chapter books” from the library. I looked at her incredulously and said: “Are you kidding me? I can’t read all of those!” She replied calmly, “Yes you can, and yes you will.” Well, she was right (as most mothers are) and so I am imagining that if I were to ask her now if it’s a good idea to start writing, she would reply, “Yes you can, and yes you will.” So here I go.

Musings on a Flight

Sometime in the last year I found myself on board a plane, looking at the landscape below. In doing so, a very faint memory stirred within my soul, making me very uneasy. I was remembering an incident that occurred many years ago, when I was once again on board a plane, looking out at the landscape below…

Probably to the surprise of many, I used to be smart. Child bearing and creeping age have depleted me of those brain cells which are necessary for at least the impression of intelligence. I was certainly one of those people that peaked early and declined steadily thereafter. At age 15 I was taking flying lessons; at 16 I made my solo flight, at 17 I had my Pilot’s License. The joke in my family was that I could fly before I could drive; my parents had to chauffeur me to the plane I could fly by myself.

One of the requirements before actually obtaining a license is to do a certain number of cross-country trips, the definition of which merely means flying from one airport to another, landing, and returning to the home runway. I took off on one of these fun trips, flying from my home airport in western Massachusetts to one in the eastern part of the state. I landed, went through the routine of pre-flight inspection, hopped aboard, and took off again. Somewhere along the way, I looked carefully at the landscape below, and it was unfamiliar to me. The mountains and lakes that should have been there, according to my map, weren’t there. Perhaps I am misguided in my map-reading, I reasoned. So I checked again. And again. No mistake, I was lost. Panic gripped me and wouldn’t let go. “Where am I? What should I do? Where’s the nearest airport? How do I get down? Is this where my life will end?” In a moment, all the smug self-satisfaction in being a young girl able to fly a plane was gone. I was, without a doubt, in a personal crisis of epic proportions.

It was at this moment that I became spiritual. Having no known faith, I decided that this would be a good time to try one out. I was SO stereotypical in my request to this unknown deity. “God, if you are there, and if you get me down safely, then I will…”

Here is the crux of the matter: For the life of me, I cannot remember what my part of that vow entailed. I have no doubt what I asked God to do, and I have no doubt that He upheld his end of the bargain. The writing of this musing proves that He did indeed save me from disaster that day. But I am left with this realization: not only have I forgotten what I promised that day, I even suppressed the memory of that incident for years and years. How ungrateful was that?

Despite evidence thus far to the contrary, I did not set out to focus on “ME” in this article. As always, everything in life is really about God, including our failed memories and scary experiences. When I began to faintly remember this episode a few months ago, I also remembered Psalm 22, where Christ asks the Father for deliverance from death, and describes what He will give to the Father if this is accomplished – the praise of the nations. Astonishingly, WE are the payment of his vow; WE are the beneficiaries of this divine promise. Unlike a frightened girl lost in the air many years ago, neither God the Father nor God the Son forgot the details of THEIR arrangement. Oh where would we be if they did? In a crisis of epic proportions.