Be Thou My Vision

One of the consequences of undergoing severe affliction, at least for me, is that I have new clarity on what I say and what I read and what I sing. For example, I have already written about the power of great hymns to stimulate strong emotions within me during worship. But now great hymns also make me cautious to sing what is difficult for me to say. As an illustration - "Be Thou My Vision" has always been, and will probably always be, my favorite hymn. Lately, though, I can't (yet) sing one small, two-word phrase.

Here is the fifth and final verse: "High King of Heaven, my victory won, may I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'n's Sun! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all."

Can you guess which phrase gives me trouble? It's "...whatever befall." IF I have made it through to the ending of this wonderful hymn, I instinctively stop when encountering those two words. I just can't say them. I have sung them for years and years, and now they stop me cold. I desperately want to be able to sing them, but I would feel like a hypocrite right now if I were to do so. I absolutely believe the truth and rightness of that phrase; it's just that I take those two little words much more seriously than I ever did before. To blithely sing them seems wrong to me, until I have unity of heart and head, emotion and mind. This dichotomy is painful.

I feel like I have been through my own personal "whatever befall" experience, and I have had some real soul damage in the process. While I am definitely in "recovery" mode through God's grace, I still am not quite willing to volunteer for another tour of duty. I suspect that one day, though, and I hope it's soon, that I will be able to affirm every word of this wonderful hymn. Until then, I will thank the "High King of Heaven that my victory is won."

Now that's something to sing about.